Best, panhandler, ever.

July 9, 2006

I was on a break from studying down at the bar center, when my buddy called me over. He was talking to a guy dressed in black pants and a purple ratted polo who was holding a number of papers, half rolled in one hand. He was a middle aged black man with a short black beard covering his face, nice looking black rimmed glasses, and short black hair. Standing outside the bar center, I assumed it was either an attorney or someone with a legal question (which I cant answer until I pass the bar). However, when I got over there, he IMMEDIATELY launched into a story as the rest of the group filtered in to the lecture I was kinda stuck listening…

He first told me he wasnt homeless. He should me an address on a piece of well worn paper and then whiped out his wallet and showed me a matching address on his license. he wanted to make it clear, that he was NOT homeless. He then told me that he just got a job… but he hasnt started yet. The clothes he was wearing were part of his uniform for what-a-burger; he was just coming form the interview where he had got the job. To back this up, he had a phone number for his boss.

At this point, I basically asked him ‘so what?” I started to assume he wanted money as the story went on, but this was getting elaborate. He continued:

“I just came from the hospital and got a new perscription because my feeding tube is infected,” as he lifted his shirt to show me his feeding tube and coresponding puss filled hole in his stomach. Which was nice. “I’m not making this up, I also have a…” and I dont remember what he was saying, but it was a peg of somekind in his right chest. Still trying to figure out what was goin gon, he alternated showing me papers and corresponding symptoms on his body. He never did say what was wrong with him, but he had bright red marks up and down his legs (which stood in stark contrast to his dark stin) and scaring on his chest.

At this point, I’m just a little confused. I starting to abandon my pan-handler assumption and figure he wants to sue somebody for something. The explanation went on and on as papers were shown and body parts displayed. I stood with a blank look, trying to figure out what he wanted and at the same time considering ditching him so I could get back to my lecture. I know, Im a horrible person. This guy has serious problems and I was looking for a scape goat.

Anyway. After what seemed like forever he begins to wrap things up. “I have been to catholic charities and tried talkin’ to the government, i have no health insurance and gotta get this perscription filled.” Aha! He is a panhanlder! The “need bus fare” excuse is worn out and no one just asks for change anymore. hell no, this guy wanted $27. Having learned a thing or two about people asking for money and being the compassionate individual I am… I told him I would take him to Walgreens and fill his Rx if he wanted to wait until after class.

Apperently he didnt have the time. He was happy to take cash, but he would not go there with me. Also, he was wearing a uniform the day he got the job but hadnt started working yet? He just came from the hospital AND just came from work. Not to mention, if he didnt have health insurance, someone was paying his bills… the government said they would pay for a feeding tube but not hte drugs? Add to that his refusal to go to the drug store and I’m calling bullshit. Hell, there isnt a hospital nor a what-a-burger within a mile of the bar center. His story was too elaborate and he went too far to prove it before springing the question. Maybe I’m just a dick, but it annoys me that someone appears to have a real problem and is trying to exploit peoples good nature on acount of it. BUT… he gets the most elaborate panhandler award.

- Igasa is now part of the family. Once I spend $400+ in vet bills, your mine. She goes in for her ‘no puppy’s in this house’ surgery in the AM, she’s excited about that Im sure. ::pause to tell Igasa we dont eat Chinchilla’s in this family:: Argh. She is wicked cute, and at 55lbs she is still very much a puppy. Clumsy, and somewhat dense. At Petco today she knocked something off the shelf and then attacked her tail in retaliation. Argh. Otherwise she is doing great. She now sits before coming through a door, all-be-it with some reminding from time to time, and I have gotten her so she will sit and stay as I set her food dish down. Bacchus looks at her like she is retarded. Ohw ell, he gets his. Whenever Bacchus and I are playing Igasa takes it upon herself to defend me, the attack being what it is, Bacchus usually ignores her and continues wrestling with me. Enough about my dog…

- Bar studying continues. I have ANOTHER sample MBE on Tuesday so I am doing the ‘big six’ subjects that are on both the multiple choice and essay portions of the test. If I would have studied this hard in law school, I’d probably have a job by now.

- Kelli is off o nbusiness again. They have her traveling about one week every other month. I dont know if she gets a bonus or not for doing it, but they pay for room and bored and it helps her gain some recognition… so thats good. She is in JD’s area(ish) this week… Springfield MO at the Battlefield Mall . No stalking please.

- Kaldun is continuing his adventure in Iowa. I havent talked to him in a week other than ‘hi dad’ and then he goes back to whatever he was doing. Im sure he is having fun and am looking forward ot seeing him, but Im not looking forward to the retraining period mandatory when you get a kid back from the grandparents!

- Went swimming on the 4th at my uncles and then went to a buddies to watch the fireworks show (from his front lawn, woohoo!). A good time was had by all.

- Last friday Kelli and I took advantage of the no-child situatoin and went to the live bands down by river. Luckily, a friend had offered to drive so we took the dogs and some beer and had a good time until midnight or so.

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2 Responses

  1. That’s a good panhandling story. If we don’t pass the bars, we should give panhandling or gigoloing a try. Perhaps both.

    Re: your new pup-dog, “somewhat dense” sounds like me… If only I had a tail, then I would probably retaliate against it was well.

    That is cool that Kelli is in Spfd, if I were up there this weekend I’d take her to a snazztacular eating establishment. But alas I won’t be there until the 12th when I fork over some big bucks to a periodontist :-( .

    PS Do you have ant travel plans after the bar? And when is the OK bar?

    PSS Ask Vaughn about his panhandling stories sometime, he has been accosted a few times outside the law school.

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